Sarcastic Narcosis #6: Commander-in-Denial

Commander in Denial

The bowels have spoken!

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A Chat Among Friends, pt.1

Setting: A ma and pa coffee shop in San Fran, California

Friend #1: Hey friend, where are you off to?

Friend #2: The Arctic Circle. I’m adopting a polar bear for a pet.

Friend #1: A polar bear?!? Are you crazy?

Friend #2: What? Is there something wrong with polar bears?

Friend #1: Of course! Don’t you know they’re huge? An adult can reach up to 10 feet in height and weigh over 1,000 pounds.

Friend #2: You’re right. It’ll never fit in my Kia.

Friend #1: Not only that, but polar bears are quite dangerous. Their teeth and claws are sharper than samurai swords.

Friend #2: Hey friend, thanks for letting me know. My in-laws are staying for two weeks and I wouldn’t want…(he pauses for a moment, then shakes his head). Can you recommend something else?

Friend #1: How about a Diamondback Rattlesnake? They’re much smaller than polar bears and easier to take care of. You can hop on the Interstate and pick one up in a jiffy.

Friend #2: A rattlesnake? That’s…that’s the greatest idea ever! The wife just delivered our first and you know how newborns love those sounds they make.

Barista #4: Cinnamon chai latte! 

Friend #1: Ah, my drink is ready. Happy travels, friend.